One of Mahatma Gandhi's moving statements was, “There is enough on this earth for everyone's need but for no one's greed” {edukemy.com, Feb 20, 2024}.
I look repeatedly into the eyes of tears and see the deep grief and obvious wounds that clients carry in their lives. A sibling, a parent, child or grandchild, or even a spouse has chosen to cut themselves off from any communication or relationship.
Absolutely no reciprocity when estrangement raises its head.
Sad? You bet. It comes with the turf of an estate and financial practice. I’ve witnessed this inconsolable and moving drama for years. However, I must say it’s become much more frequent and I might add prevalent in families to the extent it’s ‘like a broken record’ skipping over and over with a tragic and annoying sound from client’s lips.
Why? Greed. I don’t even look at it as money anymore. When heirs go to war it’s often over the most sentimental and old heirloom kinds of treasures.
From an old family bible to a grandfather clock, from an antique music box to a truck or tractor, from a diamond necklace to a rare coin, once the kids set their teeth into getting the priceless heirloom the fight is on….and on….and on.
That old Latin word for estrangement comes from extraneus, meaning ‘foreign, from without.’
As I try to provide counsel to clientele they
are ever aware of this word ‘foreign.’
They experience this deep, hurtful feeling every day, every moment.
Foreign. What a disturbing portrait of people’s family members! As I sit with my clients I actually suffer with them, because unfortunately, I too, know firsthand their grief from my own family’s estrangement. Just because I am an estate and financial planner I am not immune from this horrible ‘in the concrete world.’ It’s just there. No give. Hard and hectic.
Some years ago I was gathering data on an older couple’s family. To my utter surprise this devoted religious family shocked me when I asked about their daughter. I had already gotten information on their son, but wow!
They vehemently said in unison, “We don’t want to hear hear her name, much less include her in our estate plan. We don’t even want to discuss her at all!”
Frankly I was stupefied. I continued with grave thoughts but a cautious question, “May I at least asked what’s going on?”
Immediately they began describing her estrangement and her devious conduct for the last five years. The daughter was grown, out on her own but had stolen, lied, cheated and even used their credit cards and Social Security numbers to get more money out of them.
Needless to say, one I understood the estrangement; and two, I never brought up her name again.
Hard to believe huh? But it happens. Life happens. It’s just that I see such a proliferation of estrangement in family ties today as never before. Perhaps many Americans have become so well-to-do that heirs have allowed themselves into this transgression of Lotto-type-thinking. Greed or need? What is it?
My dear friend in Brazil has shared with me many times his grandmother’s favorite quote, “The measure of having is never enough. How true! How very true!
Let’s face it, ‘estrangement’ leaves both sides in a quandary actually. Why? No communication, no satisfaction. Burning a bridge over ‘stuff’ never has a happy ending….never!
I remember reading about a homeless veteran named Will who had been missing for more than 30 years. Now he is back home with his brother, Walt, in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The real thanks goes to the perseverance of a nurse and her colleagues at Samaritan Hospital in Albany, NY. This story has made headlines locally and across America.
When the nurse called Walt, he had just landed in Vancouver, WA as the story goes. I find it so interesting that Walt had been estranged from his son and was finally reuniting with him and meeting his granddaughter for the first time, when his phone rang.
On the other end was this caring nurse, Renee, saying they found Will, his brother, for whom he had been searching more than 30 years {St. Peter’s Health Partners News, June 7, 2022, Courtney Weinberg}.
How I wish that this story could be true for so many of my clients I work with and for myself as well. No family wants a ‘foreign’ relationship. But as you are sleuthing through the internet you will discover many stories like Walt and Will; especially Walt reuniting with his own son and granddaughter. Thank God! No more estrangement.
RONNIE LEE JOHNSON, LUTCF, AIF(r)
ClearView Financial, LLC
88 Inverness Circle East, Ste. H-101
Englewood, CO 80112
(303)-843-9820 (office)
(303)-843-6130 (fax)
(210) 347-8402 (cell)
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